The ugly, beautiful day my grandma died

My grandma passed away this summer, and the day she died was one of the most ugly and beautiful days of my life.

We live in a world that often thinks in binaries: good or bad, positive or negative, easy or hard. And yes, some things are clearly one or the other. The light is on or off. Water is hot or cold. A flight is early or late.

But most of life— especially the parts that matter— isn’t that simple.
More often than not, our experiences are both. Or many. Or even seemingly contradictory. And when we find ourselves feeling more than one thing at once, we can end up confused, guilty, or even ashamed because we’ve rarely been taught how to feel beyond happy or sad.

You just got promoted… aren’t you excited?
You just got married or had a baby… aren’t you overwhelmed with joy?

Maybe the answer is yes. Maybe it’s yes, and.
Maybe it’s yes and no, because life is complicated, and so are we.

When my grandma died, there was beauty. She passed peacefully, in her home of over 50 years, surrounded by family and nature, just as she had wished.
And there was devastation. The heartbreak of losing her, of watching my dad and aunt say goodbye to their mom, of realizing my siblings and I had just lost our last grandparent.

Both were true: the deep gratitude and the deep grief.

Positive psychology teaches us that emotions aren’t opposites on a spectrum— we can hold many at once. Happiness and sadness. Joy and sorrow. Excitement and fear. Thrill and nerves.

The key is to feel it all— not with judgment or guilt, but with honesty and curiosity. That’s not weakness. That’s not contradiction. That’s living well.

So let’s challenge binary thinking. Let’s make space for both, for many, for complexity. Because the more we allow ourselves to fully feel, the more richly we engage with life.

And in doing so, we don’t just live— we live more deeply, more truthfully, more fully. In all its beauty. In all its ugliness. Sometimes all at once.