Self-care isn’t selfish

Saying “no” to an invitation because we’re stretched thin, sleeping in because our bodies needed rest, spending an hour on a hobby because our minds needed a reset—many of us grew up believing these things were lazy, indulgent, or selfish. If we say no, we risk disappointing someone. If we sleep in, we fear being seen as unmotivated. If we pour time into a hobby, we neglect something more “productive.”

To be fair, life does ask us to do things we’d rather not. Considering others’ needs is part of relationship, responsibility, and community. Pushing past resistance for the sake of our future selves is part of growth and achievement. These are good and necessary things.

And, when we never put ourselves on the list, we eventually show up depleted for the very people we’re trying to serve. We offer what’s left of us instead of what’s best of us. 

That’s why I challenge this belief—especially for women—that self-care is selfish. Prioritizing our wellbeing is not indulgence, it’s maintenance. It’s the fuel that allows us to keep showing up with presence, energy, and care.

Self-care isn’t just golf rounds and spa days (though it can be!) It’s boundaries. It’s sleep. It’s nourishing food. It’s spending time on things that bring us joy for joy's sake. It’s saying “no” so we can say a wholehearted “yes” to what really matters. (By the way, “no” is a complete sentence—no explanation needed.) It’s recognizing that by tending to ourselves, we multiply the good we’re able to give others. 

So what can we do? We can start modeling self-care openly, without apology. We can notice and celebrate when others honor their limits, instead of quietly resenting them. Beliefs change through experiences. The more we experience self-care—and reward it in others—the more minds we change that self-care is not selfish.