When sh*t hits the fan
Stressing out at work. Falling behind in school. Battling a diagnosis. Fighting with a friend or family member. Losing a job or someone you love. Barely keeping your head above water.
What does positive psychology have to offer in these sh*t moments, when things just downright suck? Sure, we can count our blessings and take deep breaths (those things do help.) But there are also times when that advice feels tone deaf and makes our eyes roll or blood boil. (Mine too.)
Positive psychology isn’t about forcing happiness or fixing negativity. It’s about building skills that help us more purposefully and productively navigate whatever season we’re in, even and especially the ones we wish would end already.
If this is one of those seasons, here are a few things to consider – rooted in positive psychology – that hopefully won’t make your eyes roll and will help you feel at least one percent better.
Name it to tame it.
Listing this one first because sometimes the most helpful step isn’t doing, but noticing. Before we try to fix anything, we can start by acknowledging where we are. Not avoiding it, numbing it, or pretending it’s ok, but truly naming it: Grief. Betrayal. Burnout. Loneliness. Putting words to our experience gives us a sense of control over the next step. The same applies when supporting someone else: often a simple “I’m here with you” lands better than a “Here’s how to fix it.”
Move your body.
Few things reset our minds faster than moving our bodies. A walk, stretch, lift, or anything that gets our blood flowing. Movement helps our brain register safety, which settles our nervous system. It doesn’t solve everything, but it often creates just enough mental space for us to think more clearly than we could before. Sleep works in a similar way. Some seasons of life demand less of it (hello, working parents), but whenever we can swap screen time or bargain for more movement or rest, it’s always worth it.
Be with other people.
Relationships are the strongest predictor of well-being, period. When we’re struggling, being around people who fill our cups is often better than going it alone. And if you’re an introvert like me, I get it: our “me” time matters too. But even for introverts, leaning into connection matters more than we sometimes want to admit, especially when things are hard. Beyond the positive emotions, it’s the sense of community and reminder of I’m not alone that helps us heal.
Control one small thing.
When we’re spiraling, narrowing our focus to what’s within our control can be grounding. Doing one small, concrete thing reminds our brain that we’re not as powerless as we might feel. For me, that often looks like making a list of options, next steps, or just dumping what’s in my head onto paper. (The act alone of externalizing the chaos, for me, is the calm.) This can also look like grounding in the physical world: noticing a few things we can physically see, feel, or hear. It’s basic, but it’s effective because it brings us back to now, not the spiral.
January was one of those seasons for me, which is why I’m writing this as much for myself as anyone else. I’m not saying I did all these things and all my problems went away. Again, the point isn’t fixing; sometimes it’s just about getting through the sh*t one percent stronger and steadier.
