The single biggest thing I’ve un- and re-learned in 2025
Spoiler: it’s self-compassion.
A topic in positive psychology that, if I’m honest, has never fully resonated with me. The idea of being “kind” to myself has always felt unnatural, soft, and like it wouldn’t actually solve anything. Self-compassion felt like self-pity: blaming the world for my problems rather than taking responsibility or building resilience.
Suck it up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Life’s unfair. Get over it.
The more I’ve been learning about self-compassion this year, the more I’m realizing it’s actually the enabler, not the blocker, to exactly those things: responsibility, resilience, and moving forward.
Blaming, judging, or shaming ourselves (and others) only keeps us stuck. We become master self-critics. The opposite (and far more effective) approach? Acknowledgment, curiosity, and kindness. Self-compassion isn’t about wallowing and letting ourselves off the hook. It’s about noticing, wondering, and bouncing back.
We all have hard days, make mistakes, and sometimes hurt others. When we do, here are four practical ways to respond with more self-compassion, so we can give way to more productive outcomes.
Talk to yourself like a friend. Most of us are harshest on ourselves. Next time our inner critic kicks in, dispute it with the same words we’d offer a friend in that situation. It may feel awkward, and it may not instantly relieve our stress, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t effective. Over time, it rewires our brain to respond with care instead of judgment.
Normalize our emotions. When we’re stressed, upset, or frustrated, acknowledge it without harshness. (Easier said than done, I know.) Saying “this is hard” and “it’s human to feel this way” doesn’t make us weak. It makes us realistic. Accepting emotions as real and valid gives us clarity and energy to act, instead of drowning in self-criticism.
Let yourself be a beginner. None of us can be perfect at everything or even at anything, all the time. I think we’d all agree learning is good, and it’s also messy. Self-compassion is giving ourselves permission to be a beginner, to not always know, to sometimes stumble, and to grow without constant judgment.
Set realistic expectations. Perfectionism is a productivity killer. Instead of expecting flawless results (and blaming ourselves when we ~inevitably~ fall short), focus on what’s in our control and the next supportive step we can take. Self-compassion here doesn’t mean lowering standards. It means channeling our energy wisely to avoid unnecessary burnout.
If you struggle with self-compassion like I did (and still do,) try it on through some of these practices. I promise resilience and kindness look a lot better on than judgement and shame do. I also promise they won’t get in the way of responsibility, results, and growth. They’ll fuel them.
P.S. The more self-compassion we show ourselves, the more accessible we make it (and better we show up) for others.
