Video games and flow

My husband plays the same video game every night with a few friends before bed. I used to think it was childish, and I’d occasionally tease him about it. Now, I protect that time for him. (We even bought a Switch, and I’ve started playing too!)

So what changed?

I learned about flow—a concept in positive psychology. Flow is the state of being so absorbed in an activity that you lose track of time. It happens when your skills and the challenge in front of you align just right: not so easy that you’re bored, not so hard that you’re stressed.

Flow is that sweet spot, and research shows it’s one of the best ways to boost well-being.

We can see it anywhere: a teacher leading an engaged discussion, an athlete “in the zone,” an artist creating, a musician composing, a developer coding, a chef plating. For me, it’s a long run or writing. For my mom, it’s teaching piano or cooking for her family. It doesn’t matter if it’s work or play—what matters is that full absorption and active participation in the moment.

The more often we experience flow, the more engaged—and the better—we feel.

So start noticing when time flies for you. What activities pull you in so deeply you forget to check your phone? Do more of those! Even if they seem “unproductive” or “childish,” they may be exactly what we need to build positive emotions, social connections, and engagement—all essential ingredients of well-being.

Learning about flow reframed how I saw my husband’s nightly gaming. He wasn’t wasting time—he was choosing an activity with clear goals, instant feedback, the right level of challenge, and, as a bonus, social connection. And especially after a long, hard day at work, it could just be exactly what we need for our well-being.

So when he suggested we buy a Switch and start playing Mario Kart together, the old me might have rolled my eyes and said, “grow up.” But today, I get it: flow matters, and so does play. So I said, “game on.” :)