When politics get personal
I was at dinner with friends recently when someone posed a question:
“One of my coworkers—also a friend—is running for political office and asking for my support. But they don’t know I’m on the opposite side of the political spectrum. What do I do?”
In other words: How do you support a friend, keep the peace, and stay true to yourself?
If you’ve found yourself wrestling with questions like:
How do I have a conversation with someone I completely disagree with?
How do I stay in relationship with someone whose politics clash with my values?
How do I stay hopeful when the political world feels like it’s unraveling?
You're not alone. This isn’t a post about left vs. right or right vs. wrong. It’s about what positive psychology can offer us in the face of division, discomfort, and disillusionment.
Here are a few research-backed ideas to consider no matter where you land on the political spectrum:
🔎 We see the world not as it is, but as we are.
Our brains come with built-in biases. That’s not a flaw; it’s just how human cognition works. Recognizing this helps us move from judgment to curiosity. Instead of asking, “How could they believe that?” try, “What life experience shaped that belief?” This shift toward compassion over conclusion opens up connection, even across divides.
🧬 People don’t change by being explained. They change by being exposed.
Lectures (especially those behind screens) rarely lead to transformation. But new experiences, especially ones that stir emotion, can. Instead of trying to win the argument, consider how you might share a story, ask a question, or create an opening that invites empathy. Not to manipulate, but to expand.
🗣 Practice Active Constructive Responding (ACR).
Despite its fancy name, ACR is simply the art of engaging generously. When someone shares something, even something you disagree with, respond with curiosity, not critique. Try: “Tell me more about that” or “What led you to feel that way?” It’s not about agreeing but about making space for connection over correction.
🔄 Both things can be true.
Binary thinking is easy but limiting. Multiplicity, on the other hand, is expansive. It’s possible to love someone and disagree with them. To feel disappointed and compassionate. To hold your values and respect someone else's. Both things can be true (and often are.)
🚪 Set and honor boundaries.
Boundaries aren’t about asking anything of others. They’re about choosing how you will show up. A boundary doesn’t sound like: “Please don’t talk politics around me.” It sounds like: “I’m going to step away from this conversation because it’s not one I want to have right now.” Clear, respectful boundaries are acts of both self-respect and relational care.
🎯 Name it to tame it.
When we name what we’re truly feeling, we regain control over how we respond. Anger, for example, often masks a sense of violation. Sadness stems from loss. Anxiety emerges from perceived threat. By getting specific– “I feel threatened,” “I feel dismissed,” “I feel disillusioned”– we move from reaction to reflection. In political conversations especially, this can be the difference between escalation over positions and understanding of motivations.
As I reflect on that dinner table question, it wasn’t just about politics. It was about values, identity, and friendship, and those are tender things. While politics may be personal, they don’t have to be polarizing. Positive psychology helps us choose curiosity over certainty, boundaries over blowups, and humanity over hostility—whether in politics or in life.
